


In the Year to Come, In the Days to Come

by mazily



Category: Harry Potter - Fandom
Genre: F/M, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-09-16
Updated: 2006-09-16
Packaged: 2017-12-08 09:29:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/759812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mazily/pseuds/mazily
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Summer hols are over; real life stutters and spits and starts anew.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In the Year to Come, In the Days to Come

**Author's Note:**

> Title from Dahlia Ravikovitch. Written post-HBP, pre-DH.

_\--blood, meat (red, raw), scars, moons, pain, pleasure, Fleur, loss, love, scars, blood--_ , written in Bill Weasley's handwriting on a torn bit of parchment. Remus pockets it. Rolls it between his fingers as he waits for the rest of the Order to convene.

"Upstairs," Molly is yelling. "Now." The children (Remus snorts: there are no children here), merely sit on the floor, lining the walls and setting chocolate frogs loose. Molly shakes, sputters; Arthur reaches out and takes her hand in his. She sits. Remus turns to the rest of the room.

He says, "So."

Kingsley reports on the Minister, on Percy, on the latest attacks in Brighton. _"-and then we'll-,"_ he's saying, and Remus watches his new Quick-Quotes Quill dance across the parchment. Remus watches Bill, out of the corner of his eye, and he counts the scars crossing Bill's face.

Bill looks back. Remus doesn't turn away.

*

Remus opens his window. He closes it, opens it again: a luxury, this, a roof and a bed and a window that works. The sun is bright. Warm on his face as he leans out, looks up. Later, he will look in the mirror and notice: his nose is burnt, pink and hot to the touch, and his cheeks, his ears. The sun is warm, and there is no breeze. He'll heal quickly.

*

Molly says, "Remus, do us a favor and-"  
Tonks says, "Remus, you're not too-"  
Arthur says, "Remus, do you think-"  
Kingsley says, "Remus, I'm sorry, but-"

*

Bill knocks first, opens the door only after Remus says, "Oh, yes, come-"

"Hello," Bill says, and, "Is it, I'm not. Look, you'd tell me were I intruding, right?"

"Of course I would," Remus says. Of course he wouldn't. He smiles. Gestures to the desk; the chair is covered in a stack of parchment and books, but, "Feel free to toss that to the floor. Now, is there anything in particular. That is."

"You found my list. My-"

"-yes," Remus says. "I did."

"Oh," Bill says, and, "Oh. I."

Remus still has it, tucked between Grimstone and Grindelwald in a dusty old book. "I. That is, I destroyed it. _Incendio._ I wasn't sure."

Bill smiles, and his shoulders drop. "Oh," he says. "Well." He is careful with Remus's books and parchment, placing the lot gently on the floor before sitting down on the wobbly chair. He leans back too far-- Remus says, "wait, Bill, that's"-- and falls to the floor with a thud. Remus takes a second to think that he had enough time to cast a cushioning charm, and then he laughs. Bill rubs his arse. Says, "Ow. Fuck." And then he, too, begins to laugh.

Molly's at the door. She's standing in the doorway, hand over her mouth. Frozen. And then she's not, then she's moving and bustling and, "Are you alright, Bill?" ("Yes, yes, fine, Mum, ta," Bill says, and he's blushing a bright sort of pink, which Remus is startled to find not a small bit dashing). "Oh," she says, "If you're really. Tea will be ready in about an hour, boys." She closes the door behind her.

"Your mother is," Remus finds himself saying, "quite a formidable witch." Bill looks like he's going to be ill, he's laughing so hard.

*

It is only a matter of time, Remus knows, and time is yet another thing that Remus never quite has enough of. It is only a matter of time, and this might be his last summer. (Every summer might be his last; he's known this from the time he was small, too small, and the moon's horrors were brand new and-- _he used to think it would get better, that it would get less_ \-- overwhelming) The summer after sixth year, he wrote letter after unsent letter to Sirius. He heard the Ministry at the door every morning. The summer after seventh, Sirius's breath against the back of his neck as Remus listened to the ticking of a clock. ("I will grow old, I will grow old, I will wear my trousers rolled") He read, he worked every menial job he could find. The summer sun slips behind a cloud, and it begins to rain. Remus opens the window, and he reaches outt. Face upturned, drinking from the sky.

*

Downstairs, Harry says, _"Crucio!"_ There's screaming; people come running from all corners of the house. Remus rushes to the door, and stops. Molly is shouting, and Kingsley says, _"Silence,"_ and _"Molly."_ They'll be fine without him, all of them, he knows they will. His window is slightly ajar, and drops of rain decorate the floor. They look like diamonds, like something precious. Remus lies down, and he closes his eyes.

Bill is almost too quiet. Too careful. "I," he says. He coughs. "Oh, sorry. I. I'll just let you."

Remus sits up. He's still fully dressed, which is a relief. "No, I'm sorry. Just closing my eyes for a." He smiles (he's trying for welcoming, rather than feral, but he's never quite sure about such things), and it bleeds into a yawn. His neck cracks. "Was there something?"

"Order meeting," Bill says. "Emergency session due to the, ah, excitement of the. Harry, Ron, and Hermione apparently got it into their heads that they needed to practice casting and withstanding the Cruciatus, and Kingsley agreed with them. Only he didn't tell Mum, and she positively flipped when she heard, as you can imagine, which."

"Ah," Remus says. Bill sits on the edge of his bed. He radiates heat; his cheeks are pink beneath the scars and freckles. "When?"

"Um, tonight. Half-past eight." Bill picks at the blankets, worrying at the loose threads.

"Right. Well." Remus doesn't say, "leave," and he doesn't say, "stay." He doesn't move; neither does Bill, at first, until he does. His hand is rough and warm on Remus's forearm. His breath is shallow. He licks his lips, and Remus's lips feel dry. His entire mouth does. Water splatters on the floor beneath the window (the rain's picked up, pinging against the window in an ever-faster rhythm), and Remus says, "I ought to"-

_-Bill leans over. Kisses Remus. Remus jumps, he's startled, and bites his tongue-_

-"shut that."

"Right," Bill says. "Yes. Well. I'll." He stands, sits, fusses with his hair. "Just."

Remus closes the window, and leans his face against the glass. "I," he says. He doesn't understand. He feels feverish, and the window is cool against his skin.

Bill, for all he is tall, moves in almost perfect silence. He stands just behind Remus, and he pets the spot behind Remus's ear. "I just." His voice is rough, he almost growls, and then his mouth is on Remus's neck, wet and soft and sure. "Tomorrow," he says, "we may," and Remus turns. Pulls Bill closer-- _he can't think, can't focus, can't think_ \-- and bites his lower lip. Licks open his mouth.

*

Tonks says, "Remus-"  
Molly says, "Remus, please-"  
Arthur says, "Remus, ignore-"  
Kingsley says, "Remus, it's time."

*

Tonks slips into his bed, and Remus curls into her warmth. She is dry, summer in Egypt, and brittle; Remus thinks he could snap her in two. He kisses her shoulder-- she is naked, her dress a puddle near the door-- and she sighs. She tastes of salt. Her hair is tinted blue in the shadows, or maybe it really is blue tonight, and when she turns to him and her mouth is on his, Remus shivers and pulls her on top of him. She is heat, and the desert, fingers rough like sand but the curve of her breast like water, all over. Like an oasis. Tonks sighs, says, "Love." "Yes," Remus says, "Yes."

*

Three days until the next full moon, and Remus prepares for his return to Greyback's camp. His bag is packed. His bed is freshly made.. Summer hols are over; real life stutters and spits and starts anew. He stands in the library, making his farewells (Harry, the Weasleys; he and Tonks said their good-byes last night, and she slipped out before dawn) and last-minute contingency plans (Kingsley).

"I won't be able to take any Wolfsbane," he says, "so. Obviously, you should. I shan't blame you should you need to." Harry nods, and Remus recognizes his expression, it's Lily trying to show she's brave, and then flings himself into Remus's arms. "I do love you, you know, and your parents would be quite proud of the man you've become." Remus doesn't know what else to say. There aren't any words. "Give Hermione and Ron my-"

"Thankyou," Harry mumbles. "Iloveyoutoo." His arms tighten, once, twice, and he lets go. He takes a step back. "Be careful, okay? I'll. See you soon."

Kingsley pulls him aside. "We'll contact you via the usual means should you need to pull out. Otherwise, someone will meet you at the appointed time and place."

"Right," Remus says. They shake hands, and Remus turns to leave. He hates farewells.

(Remus wants to take Bill aside, to say, "You don't realize it yet, and maybe you never will, I don't know. But. You're lucky." To whisper it into his ear, and speak it into his skin; he wants to repeat the words until Bill can feel it in his bones. Until he can believe it. Bill is standing near the fire, laughing with Fleur. Discussing children. Remus doesn't have the heart to tell them that they might not be able. That this might be yet another thing ripped from them. Remus believes in the kindness of ignorance, sometimes, because the truth hurts. It cuts you open and tears out your insides.)

Remus walks out, and he doesn't look back. Beneath his breast, something breaks open.

*

In the final thirteen months of war, Remus kills: a young girl, an old man, young men, middle-aged women, a family of four, Severus Snape, countless others. He turns a wizard, a Transfigurations master from Beauxbatons, who kills himself three days after his first full moon. Remus kills. He listens. He watches. He waits. He doesn't die.

The war ends. Voldemort is dead, but Remus is still alive. It rains.


End file.
